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:iconreal-neil:Real-Neil posted a status
House Rules

My wife has two firm house rules. 

#1..no dogs in the bedroom. 

#2 ..no alcohol in the bedroom. 


She's gone away for a while.  Mr Bitey and me are having a ball. 

We just need to find the instructions for the dishwasher, but, hey, there's no hurry. 
 Dsc6803 20170201210443234 by Real-Neil

Devious Comments

:iconsabinezex:
sabinezex Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2017
And how many had Mr. Bitey?
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:iconjayleyprice:
JayLeyPrice Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
How many has he had Neil?
Reply
:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
That's my glass. It's 18 year old Armagnac. $150  a bottle. I'm not going to let him drink that. 
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:iconjayleyprice:
JayLeyPrice Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
NO. I wouldn't let anybody.
I'm not much of brandy person.
Don't touch my bourbon.
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
He likes going to the pub, but just for the social stuff. He drinks water. 

Just as well really, 'cos he has to walk me home. 
Reply
:iconjayleyprice:
JayLeyPrice Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
 I have this couple that always comes in with these huge Newfoundland dogs.
I can't deny them, because they are service dogs in training. I'm deathly allergic
to animal fur and dander, especially dogs. The seconded they come in I break out 
in hives, eyes swell up, cough and sneeze. I turn into Quasimodo with hay fever.
Reply
:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
My wife has the same problem. That's why she doesn't let the dog in the bed. I've got an epinephrine injector for when she comes home. He keeps my feet warm at night when she's away. .

Cold feet,  or severe allergic reaction?  How can you make those sorts of choices? 

Germany is amazing. Dogs are allowed everywhere. I was in Dortmund Airport on Christmas Eve and there was a husky puppy sitting on the serving counter at McDonald's.  With his bottom on the napkins. 

20161223 131920 by Real-Neil  

He had a cute owner so I took a picture. 
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:iconjayleyprice:
JayLeyPrice Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
 Sitting on napkins. 
Did he eat a BigMac, is that why?
 She is.
 I went to a McDonald's drive through to get an
iced tea the other day. So when I pulled out I
took a sip when I was I was driving down the road.
They had given me sweet tea. I was like pure
sugar. I do like Taco Bell. Don't tell anybody.
Reply
:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Yes. Germany is strange. Despite their obsession with hygeine, dogs and pets are allowed in cafes and restaurants. I saw a girl with a rat on a lead in a bar last week. 


Oh my. Guilty secret alert. Taco Bell isn't exactly organic.  
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(1 Reply)
:iconstretch425:
stretch425 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
All you need is a sponge,soap and your sink to clean the dishes.How dirty can they be?
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
You're right. I've not been cooking. Lots of pizza boxes. I'm going to get up early tomorrow and sort it all out. 



Nah......the next day maybe. 
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:iconstretch425:
stretch425 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
Let the dog help.He can preclean.
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
He has been licking the plates,  but that's a different story. 
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:iconkaronerys:
KaroneRys Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Digital Artist
But those plates!!!
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Edited Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm sure to find the dishwasher instructions eventually. 

Mr Bitey loves sleeping in the bed. When I go to work, he just lies there and gets up when I come home for lunch. Thankfully it's Saturday tomorrow so I can sleep til noon. 
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:iconkaronerys:
KaroneRys Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Digital Artist
You're not going to let this Saturday thing go, are you?
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Only because you're so right. You've unlocked the secret path to eternal happiness, and you think I should just "let it go"?  

I'm sorry, but I can't do that Karone. 
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:iconkaronerys:
KaroneRys Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Lol. You made it sound so dramatic.
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
By noon tomorrow we will know the truth. 
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:iconkaronerys:
KaroneRys Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Student Digital Artist
:)
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
I have turned off the alarm. 

Unfortunately the rooster and church bells aren't so easy to silence. 
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconeric-was-here:
Eric-was-here Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
"No Hurry" when referencing a wife can be classified in the top 3 or "Famous Last Words'.
Reply
:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
True, but my life feels like a list of threats, and I will deal with the top 3. My wife is number 4 right now. Wish me luck. 
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:iconeric-was-here:
Eric-was-here Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
Putting the wife at number 4 in anything ups the threat level exponentially..
Nice know'in ya.. would you like daises or roses?
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Sounds like you've met her. I just need to enjoy whatever time I have left. 
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:iconeric-was-here:
Eric-was-here Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
Nope. I had one once.....Once.
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Eric, I admire your wisdom. I am on my 3rd attempt. I'm obviously a slow learner. 
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:iconeric-was-here:
Eric-was-here Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017
Yup.I quit after 2. now there be no strings on me. Of course they TRY but no dice.
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:iconreal-neil:
Real-Neil Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
I really like weddings. I think that's why I kept doing it. Something about dressing up and cake. 
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(1 Reply)
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